All my life, I’ve wanted to be a writer. At age seven, I began keeping in-depth journals about my daily life. I wrote about school, and I composed Babysitters Club fanfiction (Logan and Mary Anne 4ever, am I right?).
In high school, my journaling morphed into blogging. The musings got deep. I quoted Kanye West, talked about failing AP chemistry and poured my heart out to mediocre 16-year-old boys (of course, back then, you couldn’t have convinced me that these dudes were Barneys).
I went on to college to major in journalism (and theater for one semester, obviously). And that’s when I really fell in love with researching cool things and writing about them. Since graduating, I’ve worked only in content creation roles. I started this here blog, and even began drafting a book I wanted to self-publish.
But … somewhere, somehow within the last year or so, something changed. I still loved writing, but I lost all motivation to do so on a creative basis. How little I’ve written in this blog is indication of that. I could blame it on the chaos that is life – moving from New York to Florida; leaving a hot-mess relationship behind; starting an awesome thing with an amazing human; resigning from two different jobs; and a bunch of other stuff.
That could be it, but I find it tough to actually blame the lack of hustle on my chaos because, guess what? I still had time to binge-watch tons of shit. (If you haven’t watched “Big Little Lies,” “Chewing Gum” or “13 Reasons Why,” get on it, bbs.) So why couldn’t I dedicate that time to working on my side projects?
I laid in bed many nights, reprimanding myself: “You little troll, what is going on? WRITE IN YOUR BLOG. WORK ON YOUR LIFE PROJECTS.” I’d end up brushing that good angel off my shoulder and listening to the mean one instead; the one that would tell me, “Oooh, we can do that later. Let’s see what’s trending on Instagram and Reddit.”
Is this just what happens? Does getting older makes us feel jaded? A recent study leads me to believe that aging might play a role in losing our motivation to crush the world.
Universum, an employer branding company, conducted a study earlier this year and found that the desire to be a leader wanes as students and professionals move forward in their careers. While 65% of Gen Y college students felt that becoming a leader was important to their careers, a slightly smaller percentage of Gen Y professionals agreed and only 57% of Gen X professionals felt the same.
The main reason why Gen Y and Gen X professionals find leadership roles unattractive? Lack of work-life balance. The students that were polled for the study weren’t too concerned about that, but it was a pretty big deal to Gen Y and Gen X professionals.
I can see that. While I didn’t mind pushing myself to the limit a few years ago, until the point of making myself sick, I care about my health and wellbeing now. Having a life outside of work has become more important to me because I’ve experienced the effects of not having a life outside of work. And I think that for a while, I started to see my side projects as just that: Work. So, I came to resent them.
But, after lots of reading, connecting with hustle-minded friends and Drake dropping a new album – I am seeing everything in a new light. Yep, just like my girl Stella, I am getting my groove back.
So, here I am, just a girl, standing in front of the Internet asking you to love me. Well, not really. This is my way of publicly acknowledging that life gets stressful and scary and chaotic at times, and that it’s OK to take a break from your dream and practice some self-care. But if you’re still dreaming, just know that you can get back to it.
So, I’m going to keep working on this blog, and I am going to eventually self-publish something because it’s my dream. And also, because I really, really love this shit.